Gabrielle d'Estrees, 1594

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Tales of Female Masturbation

A few weeks back, I wrote an entry on "Male Masturbation". While the men seemed to be extremely open (at least with me,) Women on the other hand, are mostly introverted when it comes to masturbation conversation. But I somehow got these three girls to gab about some of their more intimate moments.

I’ve discovered that females are quite savvy when it comes to the ways of masturbation. Guys, for example will settle for doing it just about anywhere (and even anytime). Girls are a bit more careful and delicate. They may set a mood for themselves… maybe involve some candles or music… perhaps some erotica. A lot of work can go into it. One girl went through great lengths to mimic the intense feeling she got when riding a guy. She went out and purchased a life sized penis-shaped dildo named Wally. Wally is actually a top-selling sex toy on the Athena's website because unlike other dildos, he can stick to most surfaces. She waited in anticipation for about a week and a half before he finally arrived. Then she made a mad dash for the laundry room. Grabbing a pile of towels she had been meaning to wash, she set the dial for “Bulky Load,” then unwrapped Wally and stuck him right on top. The bouncing washer seemed to have the strength of a young man’s hips… but with nearly infinite stamina. This was the perfect spot for her new dildo. And so she proceeded to try out her favorite sex positions. For anyone wondering, reverse cowgirl actually worked best and kept her pleasured for nearly an hour. To this day, she claims that her washing machine is one of the best lovers she’s had.

Another girlfriend preferred the bathroom instead of the laundry room.  At least three times a week she would take a half hour to “distress” herself.  It was only a matter of time before her sessions became like rituals. She would find almost every candle in the house, decorate her bathroom like a gothic church and fill up the tub with hot water. A couple of dashes of Mr. Bubbles added the perfect touch.  Then she would turn on her Jacuzzi tub and massage her lady parts.  Week after week, her perfect sanctuary always got her off and never let her down… until her Jacuzzi decided it couldn’t take anymore.  It seemed that her lengthy pleasure sessions had taken a toll on the old tub.  And worse; because she didn’t have the time to rejuvenate, she quickly became bitchy and irritable.  Her boyfriend was eventually able to put the clues together and he called a repairman.  When he arrived, he was stunned at how banged up (no pun intended) the tub was.  He asked if she had been swimming laps in it and gave her a small lecture on what you “should and shouldn’t do in a Jacuzzi tub.” But masturbation wasn’t on his list. So after he left, she lit some candles and got back in the swing of things.
Another one of my favorite stories comes from a friend who is very open about her sexuality.  After an extremely stressful work week, this friend decided to relieve her stress with an hour-long deep tissue massage.  She scheduled an appointment with one of her favorite massage parlors in the city and went in on a Saturday afternoon.  It could have been the smell of the oils, or the river sounds coming from the CD player… but she suddenly felt very turned on.  She began to fantasize about laying on a warm beach while getting a sexy massage from a hot Brazilian model - although she was actually in a cramped, musty massage room and her rubdown was coming from a tiny Asian Woman.  Never the less, after the massage she asked if she could sit in peace for 15 minutes to finish her “meditation”.  The Masseuse agreed and left.  As soon as the door shut my friend started to pleasure her pussy.  She hated being on a time limit, but figured 15 minutes would suffice because she had been turned on for almost an hour before that.  So, from her peaceful and serene massage suddenly came a frantic masturbation session.  She had never been so focused on pleasuring herself. And just as she was about to finish, the masseuse walked in. Her eyes widened but her hand continued moving vigorously under the covers. Trying to save herself from the inevitable embarrassment, she blurted out a lie, claiming to be having an allergic reaction to the oil that was rubbed on her earlier.  And with that, she threw on her clothes, (minus bra and undies for times sake) and got the hell out of there.  She hasn't gone back since and had to find a new favorite massage parlor. 
These stories make you realize that female masturbation isn't easy. It involves tools and moods being set. It's an art form and each of us have our very own style. Some may enjoy the delicate massaging jets of a jacuzzi while others prefer a dildo on a washing machine. Either way, women know the best ways to get themselves off - unlike a lot of men who prefer having women get them off. If my friend were a guy, he probably would have asked the masseuse for a happy ending.  But like most women, she preferred (to attempt) to give herself one.
And for some Tales of Male Masturbation, click here!

1 comment:

  1. In case any young ladies wanted to know.... I actually fix jacuzzi tubs for a living..... just thought id throw it out there