Gabrielle d'Estrees, 1594

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Strip-Club Confidential

Strip clubs are strange places. I remember going out to a strip club with my guy friends and they became so serious as soon as they stepped inside. In fact, I think every single person I've ever been to a strip club with acts a little different once they get there. Nerves, excitement, frustration: Strip Clubs  seem to bring out slightly different sides of us all. Its no wonder three of my favorite stories involve these wacky places.

The process prior to a strip club lap dance can be a strange one. If you ask me, the fewer formalities, the less awkward it is. There is a delicate balance to the flirting stripper. If she's too reserved, her target may loose interest. But if she's too talkative she could also turn off a potential client. Case in point with one nice guy who went out to a strip club with some friends.

After watching a few of the girls on stage, his buddies ran off with girls of their choosing, leaving him alone at the bar - a prime target for a stripper in need of an extra $20. It wasn't long before a twenty-something year old approached him, put her hand on his thigh and started up a conversation. Things started out light. She asked him what he was drinking, what he did for a living and a few other casual things. And in being a polite guy (as well as a bit of a strip club novice) he asked her some questions too. But what started as casual strip club flirtation soon turned into a full on conversation.

It only took a few questions for this woman to open up her entire autobiography.  She married young to a husband she didn't know was abusive... but she was used to it because she had an abusive father... then she had a baby... then her husband left her... then she dropped out of school and ran away from home... it was a standard (but never the less depressing) sob story. And after telling it, she took a deep breath and asked "So, want a dance?" Knowing that she had a son at home and could barely afford the monthly rent, he agreed. So he paid her, they went into a back room and as the next song began, so did chapter two of her life story. As she stripped down and proceeded to grind on him, she told him more of her life's troubles and woes. At one point, she even began complaining about the strip club and how certain moves were beginning to take a physical toll on her as she was getting older... Like a certain booty drop, which she demonstrated for him while complaining about it. After the dance, she asked him if he wanted another. But at this point, he felt so bad that he gave her the $20 and told her to just rest for a few minutes.

Another friend had never been to a strip club and his friends thought it was about time he went. He was about to turn nineteen and hadn't even gone out for his eighteenth birthday. Needless to say, his buddies were pushing him to make up for it that year. And what better place to do it than at a strip club? The problem however was his girlfriend - who specifically said she didn't want him anywhere near a strip club as she considered it partially cheating. Of course, this didn't stop his friends from planning the party… it just turned the whole thing into a covert operation. And despite some reluctance from him, they convinced their friend to lie to his girlfriend and drive out to the strip club the night of his birthday. Of course, he was nervous and had an uneasy feeling in his stomach. But the sleaze of the strip club loosened him up a bit as one of his friends gave him $20 and told him to get himself a private dance. Pulling out his wallet, he suddenly fumbled it and as it hit the floor, it unfolded and opened up to a picture of his girlfriend glaring. She seemed to be looking right at him Staring. Judging. Angry. His eyes widened and he shouted out loud "I can't do this!" and he picked up his wallet and ran out of the club. Later that night, he came clean to his girlfriend about the whole story and she forgave him, even though she was a little pissed. But she figured a man trained that well is worth a second chance.

One friend of mine made the mistake of taking his new girlfriend to his favorite strip club. He probably thought it would be hot to see his new chick interact with some of the strippers… maybe even watch her get a private dance.  I dunno what it is with you boys and your lesbian fantasies... Anyways, he walked in with a stack of cash and decided to let his girl feel out the situation.  He handed her a wad of ones and grabbed two seats by the main stage.  Then he sat back and watched the next stripper come on.  After a few songs, things seemed to be going well. At least it didn't seem like his girlfriend was bothered by the situation.  And after throwing a few dollars on stage she decided to grab a drink from the bar. But as soon as she left, another stripper came on. And little did she know, this chick was her guy's favorite. So naturally, he reached in his pocket and pulled out the big bucks - a $5 dollar bill. The stripper gave him an extra big smile. Now I don't know if it was the money or the smile that set her off, but his girlfriend suddenly freaked. She rushed over to the stage, grabbed the $5 and shoved it in her purse.  And then holy hell broke loose.  The stripper demanded that she give her her money back and a shouting match started.  And her guy suddenly found himself caught in the middle of a fight between his new girl and his favorite stripper.  Trying to cool the situation, he apologized, reached in his pocket and gave the stripper ANOTHER $5 dollar bill. Seeing that he had chosen his favorite stripper over her, his girl b-lined it to the door and ran outside.  My friend decided it was probably best if he let her cool down… so he finished his drink.  About three minutes later, the bouncer approached him and informed him that his girlfriend had taken off down the highway on foot.   My friend, the stripper and the bouncer rushed outside and looked down the long and lonely highway. He looked at the stripper then looked out at the highway again and then back at the stripper… and decided he'd go after her when he was out of singles. 

And for last week's stories, click here

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