Gabrielle d'Estrees, 1594

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Boston Babydolls in "Wrathskellar"

Rebecca Margolin as "Lost Girl"

Tuesday night, I was lucky enough to be invited to the opening night of the Boston Babydolls Production called The Wrathskellar; a burlesque Halloween show.  First off, let me tell you a little bit about who the Boston Babydolls are.  They are the leading burlesque troupe in New England and were named Best of Boston by the Boston Phoenix in 2005 and 2010.  Wrathskellar takes their classic burlesque talents and gives it an untraditionally dark twist.

Miss Mina as "Diva"

I knew the Boston Babydolls had a reputation for putting on a good show but I have a pretty short attention span - even during Burlesque Shows. However, I couldn’t keep my eyes off of these women.  Each skit was a short, self-contained story that referred back to a broad, overall arc.  Host Herr Bucher (played by Scratch) linked each carefully choreographed routine with dry, cynical humor and even an occasional magic trick.  The atmosphere resembled a late-1800’s Sweeny Todd-esque saloon in the drudges of London.  Lounge singers dressed as courtesans and burlesque performers sang while they served and were accompanied by an equally amazing band. 

Betty Blaize as "Countess"

Although darker than usual, the show still had the traditionally sexy components of classic burlesque.  Miss Mina, donned only in feather fans, performed a classic dance but with a small twist (you’ll have to see the show to find out) and Betty Blaize gave one of the best-choreographed performances of the night, spinning and dancing in stunning golden butterfly wings.  Less traditional but equally impressive was a performance by Rebecca Margolin as a puppet – by far the creepiest performance of the night, but also one of my favorites. Each girl had her own distinct personality and as result had her own shining moment during the show.  Linnea Peterson as a wide-eyed innocent performer auditioning for the first time… Sweetie Gladly as a sexy heroin addict… I could go on and on, but I think you should see it for yourself. If you’re looking for something sexy and sinister this Halloween that isn’t a nude scene from “Friday the 13th” be sure to check out The Boston Babydolls performing The Wrathskellar.  It's definitely worth the $15.00 admission.  

The Wrathskellar is performed nightly at the Cambridge YMCA Theatre up until October 31st (this Sunday).  Buy tickets here

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Let's Eat Out!

The female orgasm is a complex thing. And while our partners may not know exactly how to touch us the way we do, they do have one advantage: They can use their tongues. But eating out a woman isn’t always easy. I’ve met some selfish men who actually refuse to do it entirely. Well, today’s stories are those of the selfless.

A friend of mine developed a crush on a waitress from our local Applebee’s. Actually, it was less of a crush and more of a sexual mission. While he knew her personality sucked, she was undeniably sexy. So he decided that he NEEDED to have sex with her. The two started talking one night and it actually led to a date. It also confirmed his suspicions that she was a total bitch.  So their dinner conversation the next night was just as miserable as he had thought it would be… in other words: Bad, but still bearable enough for him to stay for the sex. But there was no sex that night. She, however, had a decent enough time to warrant a second date… Which of course meant he had to endure another dinner in order to get what he so desperately desired. It was during this second date that he was able to pinpoint his problem with her. She was a complainer: The kind of girl who had something negative to say about everything. Still, she was just hot enough that the sex would eventually make it worth his while. But there was no sex that night either. And so they went out again… and again.

Listening to his waitress bitch about everything from her job to her social life ensured that each night was more miserable than the last. But with each night he got closer and closer to his goal. And then the night finally arrived; all of his hard work paid off. He took her back to his mom’s house (which was free for the evening) and things started heating up on the couch. And when the sex finally came, she stayed true to her nature – she complained. He was sweating too much, it was dripping on her and the whole thing was a turn off. But he didn’t let that stop him from getting what he needed. And being a polite gentleman, he decided to return the favor afterward. But as he started moving south, she continued to complain. Now guys, I know it’s hard enough to work your magic down there. So to have a girl complain about your hard work while you’re busy really… blows. And my friend thought so too, as this was the final straw. In the middle of her complaining, he picked his head up and asked her to leave. And they haven’t spoken since. But let this be a lesson to a lot of guys out there. No matter how sexy she might be, a bitch is a bitch… in and out of the bedroom. Plus it makes trips to Applebee’s twice as awkward.

One couple that had been dating for a while decided to take a trip to New York City for the weekend. The girl hadn’t been to New York in years and wasn’t as familiar with the city as her guy. So he carefully planned their Saturday to hit up as many New York landmarks as possible. It was a difficult trek as the pair dashed from place to place. And the August heat didn’t make things any easier. Toward the end of the day, the couple made their way through Chinatown and toward Little Italy for dinner. It was a great end to the day... and it led to sex back at the hotel room. But she was so tried, she could barely move. So he decided to warm her up with some tongue gymnastics down there. His nose was suddenly distracted by the smell of lo mien and pork fried rice with a hint of rotting fish. It didn’t take much detective work to realize that it was coming from her vagina.  And he couldn’t help but accidentally blurt out between gags “You’re vag reeks like Chinatown”.   She was shocked and immediately found the energy to jump out of the bed and into the shower, washing off the Chinatown stench.  Here’s some advice guys: stay away from that area after workouts, hikes around New York or any other strenuous activity. She doesn’t need to have visited Chinatown to smell like it…

One of my interviewees boasted being master of pleasuring women. While I don’t know how true this statement is, he did share a story that at least shows his persistence. He and his girlfriend at the time had great sexual chemistry. She always satisfied him and she seemed to enjoy the sex as well. But there was one problem: she wouldn’t climax. He got her to the "edge of the cliff" several times by going down on her. And while she would scream in pleasure each time, her legs muscles would tense up and close right before the grand finale. This woman must have been using the Thigh Master or something because when her thighs wrapped around his neck, it put enough pressure on his windpipe to nearly kill him. Each time, he would pull his head out and catch his breath while she apologized. It was a natural, uncontrollable movement that she only wished she could stop. This happened over and over again, night after night. He would attempt to eat her out and her legs would try to kill him. But he finally got some inspiration while in the bondage section of a sex shop. He purchased a bunch of leather straps and the next night, tied her legs up before going down one her. While he claimed her strength was nearly enough to break the straps, they held (thankfully) and she finally got that orgasm. And if there’s one useful thing I can take from this story, its that if I’m not happy with a guy’s work down there, rather than complain (or hear him compare it to Chinatown), I could always strangle him with my thighs and blame it on muscle spasms. 

For Last week's stories of "Male Masturbation" click here.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

More Skanky Halloween Costumes

A few weeks ago, I wrote an entry on skanky Halloween costumes inspired from my childhood memories.  This week, I thought I'd continue the theme of untraditional slutty costumes with another batch. While this next bunch doesn't really remind me of my childhood, many of them remind me of inanimate objects from my house. These days it seems like nothing is safe from becoming a trashy costume. 

Popcorn Costume

You know that ol' "hole in the popcorn" trick. Well this one comes with the hole already in it. 

Chinese Take-Out Costume

Nothing says "Eat Out" better than Chinese food to-go.  

Nun Costume

There is something sexy (and ironic) about a scantily clad nun. Especially when she asks you to get on you knees. 

Guitar Costume

Wear this and you're just asking to get played...

Remote Control Costume

Turn her on and take control, all with the touch of a button! And best of all, guys - she has a mute button.

Graduate Costume

Some graduate on the top of the deans list. And some graduate on top of the dean.

Shower Costume

Those faucet-handle nipples are sure to turn her on! Being that she's a blond, I'm tempted to call this costume a golden shower.

For last week's slutty costumes, click here.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Mama Gena: An Introduction

I’ve mentioned in an earlier blog that I took a class two years ago called Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts.  I often get tons of questions on what this class is about and who Mama Gena is.  Well, for starters she teaches a class on pleasure in New York City.  Her class helps women improve everything from their sex lives to their finances. Basically she teaches women to "use the power of pleasure to have their way with the world." As for the guys, she hosts a free Men's night twice a year where she teaches them how to help bring pleasure to their women (and, in turn, more pleasure for themselves.) I managed to convince my boyfriend and some other guy friends to come and they all had a great time, not to mention learned a few things.  And I had some of the most fun in my life while taking these classes. Here she is back in 2004 on the Conan O'brien show, talking about the art of receiving pleasure. For everyone wondering who she is, or what she's about, this clip is a fine introduction. She's hysterical... oh, and genius!

If you are interested in learning more about Mama Gena and her Pleasure Revolution click here for her website.  I also recommend you buy here book on amazon!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Sexercise Equipment

By now, I think almost everyone has seen the commercial for the Shake-Weight.  Well, I saw it again last night and it got me thinking about how sexual some of these workout infomercials and machines can be. Here are five of my favorites:

The Shake-Weight was already sexual, but check out the homo-erotic Shake-Weight for men commercial.  I love their reaction when they finish.

Perhaps the original sexy workout device, the thigh master had a bunch of my guy friends dreaming about Suzanne Summers when they were home alone.

The Hawaii chair forces you to thrust your pelvis. It's sort of the same action as a hula-hoop, but without the hoop... and sitting down... which looks pretty sexual.  They also claim you can do just about anything on the Hawaii chair. Watch guy in the fuchsia shirt.  He's sooo into it!

The Rock-n-Go infomercial seems to have disappeared. So here's a clip from a review of it. Like the Hawaii chair, this one looks like it gets your crotch moving (although it actually claims to be a core workout) The difference is that the Rock-n-Go gives the sexual cowboy effect - that is, thrusting your hips while on horseback.


This last montage is for the Gazelle. While the workout machine itself isn't exactly sexual, Tony Little is.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tales of Male Masturbation

Cartoon by David Baldinger

Masturbation: Nearly everyone does it. And everyone that does it, loves it. No matter your sexual experience or orientation, chances are that masturbation is a common and healthy part of your sex life.  In my travels, I have only me one person who claimed not to masturbate. And to be honest, I didn’t believe him. But as common as masturbation may be, how, when and where we masturbate is unique to us. Here are some uncommon stories about this common occurrence.  

During their awkward, adolescent youth, two of my guy friends had a sleepover. Like most horny twelve year olds, the pair stayed up late searching through the channels for any sort of porn they could find on TV.  After some careful browsing, they settled for Skinamax.  Not the best choice, but at twelve I guess you take what you can get. Once the selection was made, both of them got under their covers (in their own beds) and started to masturbate.  I’m not sure how long they went for, but I’m guessing they both finished pretty quickly – they were only twelve.  And when they were done, they moved onto the next best form of male entertainment - videogames. To this day, the pair are still good friends. While they don’t discuss what happened that night regularly, it came to the surface once, after a few drinks. But it makes me wonder how common something like this is. I know I personally never experienced anything like this. But I wonder if other people have. During that strange adolescent stage where masturbation is still something new and we haven’t quite figured out what the proper etiquette is… I could see this being more common than I thought.  As I’ve mentioned before, I strongly encourage reader feedback – Message me privately if you want. Have you been in a similar situation? If you have, and you don’t find that story weird, this next raises the ante.

While attending the wedding of an old college friend, one of my gay male friends decided to share a hotel room with an old fraternity brother.  After a long 5 hours of drinking, they retired back to their hotel room and turned off the lights. I don’t know exactly what prompted the straight frat brother, but he suddenly NEEDED to jerk off. So he politely asked his friend in the other bed if it was okay to quickly rub one out before he fell asleep.  Needless to say, it didn’t bother the gay guy – at least he didn’t mind hearing his friend (who had a girlfriend back at home) while he masturbated in the dark. But his former frat brother’s session kind of got him hot too. So after a few minutes he started choking his chicken.  And once again, we have two guys in two separate beds tending to their own separate needs.  Until the gay guy finished early and asked the other guy if he needed some assistance.  A few seconds of hesitation was followed up “Well… I could use some soap”.  My gay friend dashed over to the bathroom, lathered up his hands proceeded to assist his frat brother into what he called “Gay initiation”.  After he finished, a deep silence feel upon the room and my gay friend returned to his bed.   He tried to confide in his frat brother about his sexuality, but the straight male wanted no such conversation.  To this day, the two are still friends and have not mentioned that night since.  The straight guy still has the same girlfriend (they’ve been together five years now) and I’m sure she has no idea about his little gay adventure.  Although now my Gay friend thoroughly insists that he doesn’t think his frat brother is gay… He was just a straight guy, tying to get by (or off) with a little help from his friend.

My last story has an equally awkward back-story. About a year ago, one of my more impulsive friends fell fast for a new guy. It was only a matter of time before she asked him to move into her apartment and was even considering running off with him to the west coast. However, the nature his work had him constantly traveling. During one of his longer trips from home, she got bored (and probably horny) and decided that she was done with him. She called him up, broke it off and hooked up with someone else that night. Needless to say, when her ex came back home he was upset for a number of reasons. But worst of all, he didn’t have any other place to go. So this impulsive girl decided that her ex could stay on the living room couch until he found a new place. Over the next few weeks, a lot of emotional distress filled that apartment. But it didn’t stop the girl from throwing a party one Saturday night. She invited a bunch of friends and even a few other ex-boyfriends. A lot of booze was brought. And a lot it was downed by her former boyfriend (or new roommate.) As the night went on and the party died down the remaining guests took the party from the backyard to the living room. Now, I’m pretty sure it was the alcohol that made her ex suddenly pull his penis out. But I think it was just raw sexual frustration that made him masturbate in the middle of the living room. This was obviously enough to kill what was left of the party. Not to mention any spark that was left in their relationship. But in his defense, they were all sitting in his new bedroom.

So obviously this week’s theme is male masturbation. Strange… I originally wanted to write stories on masturbation in general. But looking through my archives, it seems I just have a lot more in the male category. I don’t know why that is. Maybe its convenience: The fact that guys can whip it out anywhere, at anytime – at a sleepover, after a wedding or even during a party. Hmmm… I have to admit, I’m kind of jealous. But men, with great power comes great responsibility. So by all means, keep masturbating. Just do it responsibly.

And for last week's stories, click HERE

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Spray on Condoms

A German man named Jan Krause has been developing a condom that sprays onto male genitals.  That’s right, ladies and gentlemen! Gone are the days of struggling in the heat of the moment to get that annoying little package open!  Now you can enjoy all fun of safe sex with the ease and convenience of Binaca breath freshener!

Actually… it’s not quite there yet.  Krause has had the product in developmental stages since 2006. As of now, it can only be sprayed on when hard, plus you have to wait three minutes (for it to dry) before getting down to business. Talk about a buzz kill.  But still, I have to give this guy credit.  I see the potential.

The real reason behind Krause’s invention is actually size. For his entire adult life, Kraus has had trouble finding a condom that fit him properly. For the record, he doesn’t share whether commercial condoms are too snug or too loose.  But I see the importance of something like this. Take away the technicalities and I would even dare call this product ingenious.  A spray-on condom that fits every man perfectly – this is a real breakthrough in sexual technology.  

Kraus himself admits that this product is long from being seen on drug store shelves.  So, in the meantime he has another product in the works: Condoms that come in six sizes, other than the standard ones.  Kraus is determined to give every man condom that fits properly!  Hats off to a true sexual pioneer!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Sex in Last 20 Years

Two weeks ago, a brand new study on sexual behavior in the U.S. was released for public viewing.  Led by the University of Indiana, this was largest recorded study in the past two decades.  Twenty years dedicated to prying into people’s sex lives…imagine the stories!  5,865 people, ranging from ages 14 to 94 were interviewed.  Here are some statistics that I thought were interesting.

·      Only 1 in 3 single people that participate in vaginal intercourse use protection.  Pretty crazy that people still aren’t getting the memo on this one. Condoms today are better than ever! We have all kinds flavors, special long lasting ones, some just for her pleasure and even those new icy-hot ones!  But hey, someone has to keep Maury’s ratings up.

·      85 Percent of Men said their partner climaxed or orgasmed at their most recent sexual event.  Opposed to 64 percent of woman who report having climaxed their last time.  Now I know what some of you are thinking… some of these men could have had same sex partners. Well, the statistic adds that the difference between the two percentages is actually too large to be accounted for by just gay men.  Hmm… so someone must be lying here...   I have a pet peeve about women faking orgasms.  Ladies, we are only doing ourselves a disservice by faking!  Tell your partner!  Then he can fix whatever the hell he’s doing (or not doing) down there!

·      The majority of US adolescents are not participating in sexual behavior.  That’s quite a relief considering MTV is now starting their 3rd season of 16 and pregnant.  Love that show!

·      Men are more likely to orgasm during vaginal intercourse while woman orgasm during clitoral stimulation.  It kind of sucks that the spot that gets him going isn’t the same as the place that pleasures her. But guys, if you don’t know how to work the clitoris, then do some research!  Pleasure HER first and then go inside.  She’ll be more fun and it’ll feel better for both of you!

There are a ton more facts from the study, but those are a few that I liked. Click here for a more detailed article on the full study. You’ll see that sex has changed a lot in the past twenty years. Honestly, I think the biggest change has come from the internet. There’s so much more information out there and its all available at the click of a mouse! And no, I’m not just talking about porn. Any question about sexuality can be answered in seconds. And I think we’ve really been utilizing it!

But for the record, I have nothing against porn. Porn can be research too.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

My Childhood: Skankified for Halloween

I've been browsing the Internet for some Halloween costume inspiration. But this year I'm especially distracted by some of the sexy costumes. It seems every year more and more of my childhood memories are becoming sluttified.  Here are some I recently found:

Little Orphan Annie
I could make a Daddy Warbucks joke... but that's too easy.  The funny thing is this costume is pretty proportionally accurate to the original. The difference was that Anne was eight and her legs were much shorter.  

Mr. Potato Head
Guys: If you happen to run into a woman wearing this on Halloween, please do me a favor and ask if you can store some of your parts in her back compartment.  

Cookie Monster
There is nothing sexy about cookie monster. And if he where a human, he wouldn't look anything like this. He'd probably be a sloppy fat guy.

Candy Land
First of all Candy Land is a game, not a person.  Therefore it shouldn't be a costume.  But what better way to relive my favorite childhood board game than seeing it scantily spread on a drunken 20-something year old. I don't think Grandma Nutt would approve.  

Personally, I think she'd be a great addition to the team. I just wish they would re-name this costume the "who you gonna call-girl"

Pac Man
I think this costume speaks for itself. The hidden ghost is a nice touch down there...but it should have been Pinky.

Mary Poppins
While I don't think a family would hire a nanny dressed like this, I know some single fathers that might. The red stripper heels really set a great example for the kids.

This one actually isn't much of a stretch. Smurfette was always a slut because she was the only female Smurf, which basically meant that she slept with everyone. How else did they populate their village?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tales of Conditional Sex

Have you ever had to compromise or obey certain conditions to be in a relationship with someone?  Or even more brief – just to sleep with someone? I think we all have in one way or another. These are some conditional sex stories that I love and frequently share. 

I once took a wild trip to Miami with a group of about a hundered women.  Needless to say, there were dozens of scandalous memories from that trip, but this one is my favorite, hands down.  A Colorado woman in her late forties went out to a club one night and met a hot, 20 year old Latin boy.  They danced the night away and despite their age difference, had a hot sexual chemistry.  Her experience mixed with his good looks proved to be a great combination and a few hours later they were back at his place, having the kind of wild sex that can only be had in Miami. She woke up the next morning when her guy frantically jumped out of bed. There was a look of panic on his face. He was over an hour late for work. So he gave her his number and politely escorted her out the door.  A half hour later, she got a text. Turns out his tardiness was enough for him to loose his cashier job. Partially blaming herself, she felt for this young man. And being a successful entrepreneur, she began thinking of opportunities she could offer him.  An hour later, she called him back and made him the offer of a lifetime.  An offer any cougar loving man couldn’t refuse.  She invited him to stay at her Colorado mansion in the mountains. She promised to fully support him as long as he met three conditions:

1: He had to prepare a home cooked meal for her every night.           
2: He had to clean the house daily.
3: He had to pleasure her upon request.

Not a bad gig, eh?  Well the guy seemed to think so to because on the last day of the trip, he returned to Colorado with her to begin his new life as a man slave.  It certainly beats being a cashier.

Another friend came to visit me in college a few years back and I introduced her to a cute guy who lived upstairs from me.  Things went really well over the next few days and these two were almost inseparable.  On her last night, she snuck out of my dorm room and rushed upstairs.  He invited her into his room and they had an impromptu cuddle session. But when she started reaching down his pants, he stopped her.  He admitted that hadn’t been entirely honest and upfront with her. It turned out he had a girlfriend back at home.  She jumped out of his bed and was halfway out the door when he told her that he and his girlfriend had a special agreement while he was off at school: It wasn’t cheating if it was over the clothes.  This was enough to convince her to stay. So they got back in the bed and he started to feel her up… over the clothes, of course.  But every so often, she’d feel frisky and went to unzip his pants. And each time, he’d stop and yell “Over the clothes!” If this was a real condition, I have to give the guy credit for sticking to his guns. It takes a lot of self-control to stay on second base in college. But at the same time, a semi-open relationship is just ridiculous.

My last story is short and sweet.  One girl was stuck in a nearby city and needed a ride home after last call.  No one was answering their phones so she had to resort to calling an old flame.  This guy knew he was in control when she begged him to come and get her.  So he told her he would only pick her up if she would come spend the night with him.  Knowing that she had no other options, she regretfully agreed.  But that wasn’t the only condition. He had also been craving a roast beef sandwich (not an innuendo) from one specific sandwich shop and was short on cash.  So when he drove up, she gave him last four bucks in her purse.  They got the sandwich to-go, went back to his place, got it on and then she watched as he enjoyed his roast beef sandwich after the sex. Talk about adding insult to injury. She should have resorted to walking because that cab ride cost her a roast beef sandwich and her dignity.   

So that wraps up this week’s hump day. And what’s the lesson this week? Hmmm… I’d say we should all seriously consider the conditions of our relationships and hookups before jumping into bed with someone. Sometimes it’s the cost of a roast beef sandwich and sometimes it’s a lifetime of sex slavery. In any case, don’t ever be afraid to ask yourself “is this really worth it?” I asked a bunch of my guy friends that same question when telling them about the Colorado cougar. Each of them had the same response. “Absolutely.”

And for last week’s hump day stories, click HERE.

Friday, October 8, 2010

The Art of Vajazzling

By now, I'm sure most of you know what vajazzling is. But if you think it’s a new dance workout, then you are wrong.  Basically its combines the words Vagina and Bedazzle to form a brand new activity.  If you are still lost, then let me be blunt: Vagazziling is when you stick rhinestones on vagina.  Not in your vagina. On it!  
Jennifer Love Hewitt was the first celebrity (to my knowledge, at least) that shined some sparkling light on Vajazzling.  However Kathy Griffin was the first to be happily photographed with her disco ball Vajajay for the world to see.  As a publicity stunt to raise money for cancer, she held the first national public Pap smear.  That’s right, she spread her glory for thousands of people to watch as a doctor used a speculum to check her out. Beforehand, she mentioned that she wanted to vajazzle to get ready for her big close up!

The stunt worked. At least in that it made everyone talk about her "holy grail" of a vag.  And it helped raise awareness for cervical cancer.  It also raised awareness on vajazzling. So, in effort to continue raising awareness, I would like to speak a little on the topic of vajazzling. Personally, I have been known to vajazzle on occasion and I actually kind of love it! 
But first, a disclaimer. I want to make it completely clear that I don’t think women need to perfect their pussies at all.  They are gorgeous on their own. Vajazzling for beauty reasons alone is bullshit.  Think of it as more of a fun adventure.  Maybe a surprise for your guy (or girl) or maybe just something to make you feel a little more badass when you walk down the street.  Your own dirty little secret.  
Two years ago I took a class in New York at Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts.  The class is simply incredible. It’s really life changing... but that is another story for another day.  Anyway, this class was my first personal exposure to vajazzling. My classmates and I had to “decorate” ourselves during the first week. Most of us were initially creeped out by the idea of decorating our pussies, but everyone was a good sport and went along with it. We all chose carefully among temporary tattoos, gems and glitter. Then each of us decorated ourselves, realizing how ridiculous it was. But it was also a lot of fun.

I guess I seem to smile a bit more when I’m vajazzled.  I don’t take my boss too seriously, I don’t take my relationships too seriously but most importantly I don’t take myself too seriously.  I can’t and won’t keep up with vajazzling weekly, but I encourage everyone to try it at least once.  If you’re a bit intimidated, try buying a set of cute temporary tattoos.  Or click here if you want to design your own tattoo.  Maybe you can write your lovers name with a heart or just simply  “suck it”.  

I’ve talked to men about their opinions on vajazzling and frankly I think the idea scares the shit out of them.  But I can also vouch that most women I’ve spoken to that unveiled these arts and crafts projects were totally embraced by their lovers.  Why?  My guess is that whenever women get excited about their pussies, so do men.  Simple as that. 

So if you’re single, taken, gay, straight, pissed off, bored or just an attention seeker I think every woman should give Vajazzling a shot. Remember how much fun stickers and colorforms was when you were a kid? Now bring that fun to your vaginas! 

You remember Colorforms right?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Sexuality in Muppets

Last week, Katy Perry got a lot of crap for singing on Sesame Street with her cleavage hanging out.  I can't help but feel like people today are overly sensitive.  I grew up on Sesame Street and the Muppet Show and I remember both shows having a touch of sexuality. Here are some examples I remember.

Ms. Piggy, like a pathetic floozy would make numerous desperate attempts to throw herself at Kermit who wouldn't give her the time of day.  If parents thought that Katy Perry had too much boobage, they must not remember Miss Piggy's big bazongas, which she most certainly wasn't shy about. Maybe its that Katy Perry is a human, with real tits.  As far as I remember, no one ever had a problem with foam cleavage.  

And who can forget America's first gay TV couple, Earnie and Bert. Yea, they had separate beds, but so did Lucy and Desi. Maybe I'm imagining it, but I could have sworn Bert would hang out in the bathroom while Earnie bathed. I also remember that Ernie was open to inviting other Muppets to take baths with him. 

Gold tooth, feather in his hat, rings on his finger... If Dr. Teeth isn't the definition of a Pimp then who is?  

Look at those legs! And that short skirt with stilettos?  Is Janice trying to look like a cracked out Courtney Love?  Janice was also known to be the last one to quiet down for sound check and in a few of the Muppet movies you can hear her mumbling about being offered to pose nude or walking naked on the beach.  Scandalous!

Okay, maybe this one is just me and my perverted mind... but I look at these wide-eyed open mouthed Muppets and all I see are two pink blow-up dolls.  

 C'mon... I know you see it...

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Hookup Horror Stories

Can’t believe Hump day is here already!  As promised I have another set of kinky, and strange stories from your bedrooms and boy are these wacky!  I realized after writing this today, these are actually more like horror stories from the bedrooms of various women.  But it is October, so what better way to welcome this spooky month? Anyways, these stories are mostly about hookups gone bad. And while no one likes sex to go wrong, it’s important that we at least look back and laugh.

As you might guess, most of these stories start with a few too many drinks. And this one is no exception. At a party one night, my tipsy friend grabbed a guy she had been eying and pulled him into the closest bedroom.  They started making out and as always, one thing led to another. Her guy so debonairly excused himself to grab a condom from a friend and when he came back, the two got down to business.  However, she quickly sobered up as she began to feel some discomfort down there. Suddenly she realized that there was still a tampon in her from earlier that day.  So she freaked, threw him off and ran into the bathroom, hoping her tampon hadn’t been lodged into her small intestine.  Her fear grew when she couldn’t seem to reach the string.  After a few minutes of blindly searching, she started to cry and called for a friend. This brave and noble girl calmed her friend down and coached her, telling her to breathe in and out as they slowly but surely worked the lost tampon out of her vagina. In a way it was like giving birth. Normally, tampon commercials brag about how their tampons are so comfortable, “you won’t even notice.” Well ladies, that doesn’t always work in our favor.

I recently heard another strange story from a willing participant.  She told me that she met a guy who was nice, good looking and had a great body, but still far from Prince Charming.  He was a 30-year-old bag boy who lived with his mother. Not to mention had also been convicted of manslaughter years before.  But she appreciated his honesty was able to look passed his flaws.  After about a week of dating, the couple went back to his mother’s basement and things got hot and heavy.  As she unzipped his pants and began fondling, she instantly realized something wasn’t right. She just couldn’t seem to put her finger on it… or rather put her hand on it. But then she realized her guy had no balls. And that’s not a figure of speech. He literally didn’t have balls. Or at least any that she could find.  Her guess - He was a juice head and the roids made his balls shrivel up like a couple of raisins.   To think, the guy was so honest about his rocky past, he couldn’t have mentioned that his balls are missing?  But never the less, the relationship ended there so she unfortunately never found out the true reason.

The last story is my favorite and by far the most gruesome.  So please, read at your own discretion.
One of my interviewees had an amazing first date. In fact, the date went so well that they ended up back at her house.  The sexual chemistry between these two was undeniable.  After some passionate foreplay, the giddy guy shoved his un-kosher cock into her. And while she was ready for it mentally, her body hadn’t gotten the memo yet.  Then he let out out a blood curdling scream.  Quickly pulling out, he looked down horror. He was hysterical; more terrified than she’d ever seen anyone in her life. His penis wasn’t just bleeding. She described it as a “super soaker.” Ouch! I’m not a guy, but I still get queasy trying to visualize that. Needless to say, their kinky night was ruined and now he had to get to a hospital.  So she threw her clothes back on and they rushed to the emergency room.   Before going in, her new date begged her to call his mother. And while she wasn’t thrilled by his request, she worried it may have been his last judging by the amount of blood he’d lost. So she did it. She called his mother and broke the news that she had unwillingly circumcised her son.  After an hour or so, the doctors wrapped his penis up and the bleeding stopped. Despite a bumpy first date, they actually went out again after he healed up.  And they kept dating for another two years after. I guess if they survived that, they could make it through anything. 

And so another hump day comes to an end. Hopefully we all learn something from these stories. Ladies, no matter how drunk you get, don’t forget about that tampon.  And guys don’t rush it. Make sure she’s ready and warmed up. And also, don’t become a 30-year-old juice head that still lives at home. Your balls might fall off.  I’ll be back next Wednesday with another set of stories.

And for last week’s stories, click here.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Museum of Sex

A couple of months ago, I took personal sabbatical and visited places that inspire me.  Of course, one of the first museums on my list was the Museum of Sex in NYC.  Even though it felt a tad creepy, I decided to go alone to really take everything in… haha get it?   As I entered the first exhibit room, I was greeted with dozens of antique vibrators, which looked more like power drills with suction cup attachments.  Turns out that in the late 1800’s vibrators were actually considered medical tools. Tools for what, you may ask? They were used to help treat women who were diagnosed with hysteria. Weather or not you consider the modern day vibrator to be a medical tool would depend on why you use it. Personally, I know my vibrator treats at least one form of hysteria. 

Next was the Condom exhibit, which was unbelievable.  They had dozens of vintage dispensers, condoms and packaging from different decades.  Here’s a fun fact I learned - One of the first condom producers in the United States was, strangely enough, a sausage maker from NYC.   He realised that his tasty sausage casings doubled as condoms. Also in this exhibit were haute couture gowns, of course made entirely of condoms. While not the most fashionable dresses, they do guarantee you won’t leave home without protection.

My favorite piece of the entire museum was entitled “Fist” by artist Franco B.  This was a sculpture made of hundreds of used condoms set in resin. The artist actually found each of these condoms in various Gay clubs during the 90’s. Yes, I know it sounds gross but when I looked at it, I realized how many stories were stuck in that sculpture. Behind every used condom, there is a story, be it kinky, romantic or tragic.

Anyways, I’d tell you more but you should really just go there and check it out first hand. The Museum of Sex is an educational and fun experience that also makes you feel a bit naughty.  I saw chastity belts from the 1700’s; retro sexploitation films and even a wearable suit that makes women look like sex dolls.  I recommend the museum of sex to adults of all ages.  Don’t worry, after the first five minutes you begin to loosen.  Tickets are $16.75 and on their website they have a $3.00 off admission coupon.  

For the official Museum of Sex website click here.