Gabrielle d'Estrees, 1594

Friday, September 24, 2010


Well I did it! I've been dreaming of having my own kooky blog for the 
past six months and without further ado, here it is! Presenting to 
everyone, The Bitch You Can't Scratch. Get it Bitch/Itch? Meh. Anywho, 
I'm sure you are all wondering who exactly this "bitch" is.
For the past two years, my life's curiosity has developed into a 
healthy (or some may say "unhealthy") perversion... err, I mean 
passion... for the tales from our sex lives. Needless to say I'm 
incredibly fond of the work of Dr. Alfred Kinsey who in 1940's, got 
thousands of people to open up about the "ins and outs" of their sex 
lives. One of my recent ventures has been loosely interviewing
different people on the same subject. In these past few months, I've 
learned that our sex lives offer hilarious, sometimes surprising and 
always awesome stories that people rarely tell.
Well, I'm here to tell them. From the archives of my research to the 
archives of my own bedroom, these are the best stories never told. 
Yes, my research is a little more tongue and cheek than Mr. Kinsey, 
but its important never the less. The only thing I've altered in these 
stories are names, out of respect for my friends. So here we go!
One question that Kinsey first posed was "When was your first sexual 
experience?" This question really got my interest, and what a fitting 
question for my first entry. Now I'm not talking about when you lost 
your virginity or even that first blow job. I want to go back even 
further. When did you first notice you could receive pleasure down 
there? How did you find out? Here are three, short and simple stories.
One friend had her first clitoral discovery in a swimming pool. While 
peacefully floating on a noodle, some jerk abruptly pulled it away 
from her. She just so happened to be sitting on this noodle and the 
when it was pulled out from between her legs, a jolt of unexplained 
electricity surprised her and made her feel oh so good. In a way, this 
jerk was responsible for her first sexual experience. And creepy 
enough that jerk was her cousin.
One male interviewee couldn't remember his first boner, but easily 
recalled his first orgasm. He described it to me as a happy accident. 
He had fallen asleep on his stomach and while wiggling around to get 
comfortable, he accidently rubbed his genitals on his bed. It felt 
good, so he kept going... and going... and going and then boom! 
Being in the fifth grade, he knew what masturbation was, but wasn't 
sure if thats what he had just done. There was no jerking... just 
rubbing. But hey, whatever works!
Another friend did remember his first boner... he just didn't 
remember why he got it. He only remembered the strange and 
uncomfortable feeling. Like any little honest five year old he ran to 
tell his Mommy and said "my pee pee hurts". I love what her answer 
was so innocent yet so true "Honey you're just excited!"
Well, if you are still reading this, congratulations you are just as 
dirty a pervert as I am! Just kidding! You are a normal, curious 
sexual being just like the ten's of thousands Kinsey interviewees. 
For the record, I really encourage participation whether it be
comments, thoughts or even wanting to share your private yet priceless 
stories with me. You can message me and I can promise your names will 
be 100% confidential. After all, why can't we talk honestly and 
intimately about our sex lives? I know I will.
I'm really excited to jump into this new chapter of my research. I feel like 
a boy who just got his first boner. I'm not entirely sure what to do with 
it, but with some help and encouragement, it could be a real blast!

No comments:

Post a Comment