Gabrielle d'Estrees, 1594

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Creepy Sex Toys

To each their own! As I mentioned yesterday, we all have our own fetishes. Well, whatever your fetish may be, there's probably a sex toy to tickle that desire. Here are a few that I really liked:

A Japanese Hand Job Machine! Or rather, a hand job machine from Japan... not confirmed weather or not it feels like an authentic Japanese hand job.

Hands down, this doll just gives you more bang for your buck. Three boobs, three holes and they throw in free alien lube!

For those of you with Tom Selleck fetishes, here's a flesh light with a mustache! 

Male Chastity Belt. Need I say more?

There's something nice and discreet about vibrators that look like children's toys... until it accidently winds up in your child's toy bin. Strangely enough, this reminds me of a real, slightly sexual children's toy from when I was growing up...

The balls pop out of his mouth.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Freaks in the Sheets

Image taken from Madonna's Book, Sex

I know we all have our own weird fetish stories. Some of us choose not to share them. Some of us have shared them with friends. And some of us have shared them with me! So today, in honor of hump day, I thought I’d share a few great fetish stories I’ve heard from all of you.

One friend has a really hot fetish - while having sex he rips his partner’s clothes off.  This is not an expression. I don’t mean he “undresses his partner aggressively.” I mean he literally grabs her shirt and tears it off of her back. Before having sex, he would take his partner’s pants off, but leave her shirt on for the grand finale. Right before the final moment, he would grab her shirt and use his super orgasm strength to tear it shreds. When he told me this story, I couldn’t help but be turned on a little.  It sounds like a scene out of one of those romance novels with Fabio on the cover. But I guess there are two sides to everything. About a month later I was talking to a girl he had been seeing. She told me that while she really liked him, It was starting to get frustrating because he would tear apart all of her favorite tops. 

Nothing seems to get my Gay friends talking like some Chicken parm and a couple of glasses of Sangria.  When I mentioned that I would be writing an entry on Fetish’s last night, they all seemed to perk up.  One friend said that he met a guy online who requested to see a picture of his feet.  Foot fetishes are pretty common these days so he didn’t think anything of it. Plus, the guy had an amazing body so he didn’t really care. When he showed up for a casual rendezvous, the guy insisted that my friend take off his shoes and put on this stranger’s prized pair of Air Jordan’s. Then they hit the gym and had an intense workout. It was clear why this guy had such a great body. After, when they got back to his place, one thing lead to another and the two got down to business. My friend started undressing himself when this piece of man candy demanded that he leave on the Air Jordans. And so he had sex in someone else’s shoes. After all was said and done, he was asked to leave the sneakers where he had found them. Perhaps for the next time this fit young man might find a foot worthy of wearing his legendary sneakers.

Similar to that, another friend at the party said he was briefly seeing a guy who begged him to wear the same pair of socks for one week straight.  Nothing turned this guy on more than the stench of a men's locker room.  And being a good little boyfriend, my friend agreed.  Despite the initial weirdness of the whole thing, he said he’d never seen his boyfriend more turned on. The pair had some of the greatest, most intense sex of their lives that week.
That rounds out our three stories for today. I know this week’s entry was more on male fetishes but fear not! Hump day comes once a week!  I will have another set of titalizing tales next week on freaky females.  

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Comic Book Burlesque: A Geek's Wet Dream

Attention Geeks:  You no longer have to wait for Comic Con to see your favorite sexy Superhero, and Sci-Fi vixens in person.  Devil's Playground, an LA based burlesque troupe presented by sexy mastermind Courtney Cruz, takes some of your favorite characters and spices them up.  They had a huge success recently with Star Wars Burlesque (and the sequel, The Fempire Strikes Back) but they've covered everything else from comic book characters to video game vixens. While some characters like Princess Leia, Poison Ivy and Metroid's Samus beg to be in a burlesque show, others (like Jabba the Hutt) took some creative work.  Here are some of the photos from their previous shows.  We've come a long way since the pixelated beauty of Princess Peach. Enjoy!
Princess Peach  Photo by: Erin Broadley
Chun Li from Street Fighter  Photo by: Erin Broadley
Samus from Metriod  Photo by: Erin Broadley
Poison Ivy  Photo by: Shannon Cottrell
The Joker  Photo by: Shannon Cottrell
Wonder Woman  Photo by: Shannon Cottrell
Storm Trooper   Photo by: Shannon Cottrell
C-3PO  Photo by: Shannon Cottrell
Jabba the Hutt  Photo by: Shannon Cottrell

For more photos from all of the awesome shows go to the LA Weekly site here.
And for Courtney Cruz's site, check out

Monday, September 27, 2010

Co-Ed Sex Toy Parties

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of hosting an Athena’s sex toy party.  I’m sure most of the women already know what this is.  Basically a bunch of women get together, pop open a bottle of wine and watch as an Athena’s “Goddess” gives a demonstration on roughly 25 sex toys and products.  When I say demonstrate, I don’t mean use them on herself OR on the other women.  Sorry to destroy your fantasy guys… 

Athena’s makes the process of purchasing sex toys so much easier.   You no longer have to enter a small, brightly lit porno shop filled with creepy single men and the occasional couple who look like they just came from Wal-Mart.  (I personally love going to porn stores for this very reason - yes the products are fun but the people are pure entertainment).  Now, in the comfort of our own living rooms, we can smell the scented lotions, feel the pulsing of the vibrators and most importantly get an education on what all of these toys do for us. 

That brings me to my topic of Co-Ed sex toy parties.  When I mentioned to Goddess Allison (my Athena’s representative) that I wanted to have a co-ed party she blurted out “Really?  I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” This caught me off guard but luckily Goddess Alison was open-minded. I talked her into it.  Though it was only her second party, she gave me her support in throwing this “untraditionalfiesta.   When I sent out my invites, my straight male friends seemed to be the most psyched for this extravaganza.  Maybe because they would be entering a forbidden sexual land or maybe it was the free beer…  Either way, it got me excited to see them excited.

Now I have to be honest, the straight guys really surprised me.  They seemed genuinely interested and really paid close attention. And believe me, my straight guy friends are real Guys.  Still, they showed a ton of participation. Goddess Alison would ask our group questions and hand out lube if they got the right answers.  One guy friend asked six or seven questions of his own.  I’ve known this kid for years and I’ve never seen him so interested.  He wanted to touch and try out each product, seeing which ones would work best for him and his girlfriend.  He voiced his honest opinions – his likes and dislikes with each product.  It was like he suddenly turned into the Rodger Ebert of sex toys! My gay male friends were a great addition too. One was responsible for one of the largest orders of the night, purchasing an array of products for him and his boyfriend including Wally, a life-sized penis that can stick to any surface! 

Overall, the night was awesome. It was insightful for us and successful for Goddess Allison. Another advantage to a large group is large sales (which is really great because the more my party purchased, the more money they took off of MY order).  Gone was the taboo of girls talking about dildos and vibrators in front of men.  The guys were honest about their sexual preferences as well.  I feel we really bridged some gaps and made some of the males more comfortable with idea of bringing these often intimidating items into the bedroom. 

So if you’re thinking about hosting a Sex Toy party, think about including the men. The more women talk about what pleasures them, the more men will understand how to pleasure us.  Everyone Wins!  If anyone in the North Shore Area would like Goddess Alison to come and throw an Athena’s sex toy party, please message me and I will gladly send over her information.  She is a sheer pleasure to have.

A boob cake served at my co-ed sex toy party!  Yummy!

Sunday, September 26, 2010

If Men Had Vaginas

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing comedian Louis CK at the Wilbur Theatre in Boston.  First off, for whoever doesn't know Louis CK, you need to check this guy out.  He has a new TV show called Louis on FX and it's pretty fucking funny, not to mention really well done.  He's a brutally honest guy that's not afraid to "go there."  He started one of his bits by asking "What if men had vaginas?"  The thought of a naked man's torso with a Brazilian waxed vagina was creepy.  Women, he explained, put the time and effort into caring for their cooters.  I mean think about it ladies, we shave, wax, tend to our monthly needs, lotion, douche and sometimes vagazzle.  Having a vagina is like having a pet.  True, some men shave and lotion regularly, but we generally call these men homosexuals.  But no matter how well some men take care of their "tools", Louis CK pointed out that if men did have vaginas, they would probably break them during a rigorous masturbation session.  I'll leave you with a final thought from Louis CK on the subject of rough sex.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Vintage Bathing Beauties

In Lieu of this 80 degree weather in late September, I thought I would share some vintage postcards of bathing beauties.  How hot are these girls?  These pictures are classy, sexy and timeless.  I love the how confidence just radiates from these women!  Most of these pictures were taken in various beach communities in the U.S. and Europe.  This first postcard reminds me of a certain pop star.  Perhaps she is asking her Latin lover, Alejandro to rub some oil on her?

Friday, September 24, 2010


Well I did it! I've been dreaming of having my own kooky blog for the 
past six months and without further ado, here it is! Presenting to 
everyone, The Bitch You Can't Scratch. Get it Bitch/Itch? Meh. Anywho, 
I'm sure you are all wondering who exactly this "bitch" is.
For the past two years, my life's curiosity has developed into a 
healthy (or some may say "unhealthy") perversion... err, I mean 
passion... for the tales from our sex lives. Needless to say I'm 
incredibly fond of the work of Dr. Alfred Kinsey who in 1940's, got 
thousands of people to open up about the "ins and outs" of their sex 
lives. One of my recent ventures has been loosely interviewing
different people on the same subject. In these past few months, I've 
learned that our sex lives offer hilarious, sometimes surprising and 
always awesome stories that people rarely tell.
Well, I'm here to tell them. From the archives of my research to the 
archives of my own bedroom, these are the best stories never told. 
Yes, my research is a little more tongue and cheek than Mr. Kinsey, 
but its important never the less. The only thing I've altered in these 
stories are names, out of respect for my friends. So here we go!
One question that Kinsey first posed was "When was your first sexual 
experience?" This question really got my interest, and what a fitting 
question for my first entry. Now I'm not talking about when you lost 
your virginity or even that first blow job. I want to go back even 
further. When did you first notice you could receive pleasure down 
there? How did you find out? Here are three, short and simple stories.
One friend had her first clitoral discovery in a swimming pool. While 
peacefully floating on a noodle, some jerk abruptly pulled it away 
from her. She just so happened to be sitting on this noodle and the 
when it was pulled out from between her legs, a jolt of unexplained 
electricity surprised her and made her feel oh so good. In a way, this 
jerk was responsible for her first sexual experience. And creepy 
enough that jerk was her cousin.
One male interviewee couldn't remember his first boner, but easily 
recalled his first orgasm. He described it to me as a happy accident. 
He had fallen asleep on his stomach and while wiggling around to get 
comfortable, he accidently rubbed his genitals on his bed. It felt 
good, so he kept going... and going... and going and then boom! 
Being in the fifth grade, he knew what masturbation was, but wasn't 
sure if thats what he had just done. There was no jerking... just 
rubbing. But hey, whatever works!
Another friend did remember his first boner... he just didn't 
remember why he got it. He only remembered the strange and 
uncomfortable feeling. Like any little honest five year old he ran to 
tell his Mommy and said "my pee pee hurts". I love what her answer 
was so innocent yet so true "Honey you're just excited!"
Well, if you are still reading this, congratulations you are just as 
dirty a pervert as I am! Just kidding! You are a normal, curious 
sexual being just like the ten's of thousands Kinsey interviewees. 
For the record, I really encourage participation whether it be
comments, thoughts or even wanting to share your private yet priceless 
stories with me. You can message me and I can promise your names will 
be 100% confidential. After all, why can't we talk honestly and 
intimately about our sex lives? I know I will.
I'm really excited to jump into this new chapter of my research. I feel like 
a boy who just got his first boner. I'm not entirely sure what to do with 
it, but with some help and encouragement, it could be a real blast!